BY EMIL TIEDEMANN
I am tired.
I am tired of waking up wanting to go right back to sleep. I am tired of having sporadic aches and pains all over my body. I am tired of embarrassing inflammation. I am tired of experiencing everything in that catchy Pepto-Bismol jingle. I am tired of waking up throughout the night. I am tired of having circles under my eyes from exhaustion. I am tired of having to nap in the middle of my weekends. I am tired of lacking confidence and courage. I am tired of having no energy left after I get off from work. I am tired of YouTube being my #1 activity. I am tired of having anxiety. I am tired of saying "no thanks" to my friends. I am tired of getting angry over small things that I have no business being angry over. I am tired of being embarrassed to take my shirt off in public. I am tired of being too shy to go to the gym or join a sports team. I am tired of procrastinating. I am tired of being addicted to "food" that makes me sick. I am tired of not wanting to do anything. I am tired of missed opportunities. I am tired of having bad skin. I am tired of not really caring about what I wear. I am tired of heartburn and bloating. I am tired of needing to take a rest when I shouldn't need to take a rest. I am tired of thinking, 'There's no way I can do that'. I am tired of my body going out of commission after I do try a physical activity. I am tired of not trying new things. I am tired of eating and drinking highly-processed garbage. I am tired of stressing over plans. I am tired of yawning all day long. I am tired of sore muscles. I am tired of sweating like a maniac after some basic physical chore. I am tired of not being able to wear a bunch of my older clothes. I am tired of random acne. I am tired of not getting the water and nutrients that my body needs. I am tired of groaning sometimes when I get up from the sofa. I am tired of dreading having to take the stairs. I am tired of worrying that I am going to have serious health problems in the (near) future. I am tired of sitting. I am tired of neglecting my goals and aspirations. I am tired of needing caffeine to get me through the day. I am tired of "maybe next time" being my default setting. I am tired of being lazy. I am tired of taking forever to get better when I get sick. I am tired of having low self-esteem. I am tired of not being a better role model for my young nephew. I am tired of soda being my go-to drink of choice. I am tired of relying on "mini naps." I am tired of wasting my money on things that set me even further back. I am tired of the steady self-deprecation. I am tired of excuses. I am tired of being grumpy and sometimes short-tempered. I am tired of not taking responsibility for my own mental, emotional, and physical health. I am tired of not knowing how my body is actually supposed to feel like. I am tired of not walking the walk. I am tired of being tired.
I don't want to be tired anymore.
I will be the first to admit that I have tried more times than I can count to lose weight, get into shape, and adopt an overall healthy lifestyle. From dieting and fasting to daily walks and even dragging myself out to go to the gym, for whatever reason was available at the time, I failed...over and over again. And it gets harder and harder to restart every single time I give up.
'Why bother? I'm just going to quit again!' This sort of inner dialogue would often stop me from even beginning again, or at least prolong the process; and it gets louder and more ingrained each time I say, 'Fuck it, I can't do this.'
Deep down, I know I can do this, but there just always seems to be something holding me back from reaching my goals. And let's be real, I kept letting these things hold me back. So what makes this time any different?! Well, there are a few big differences this time around...differences that I think will break this dizzying cycle and change the trajectory of my health goals once and for all.
First of all, near the end of February, I embarked on a one-year (at least) challenge to stay abstinent from alcohol, after decades of being a social and sometimes heavy drinker. Mind you, I have never thought that alcohol has ever been a serious problem in my life, but I have no doubt that it has contributed to poor health, some mental deterioration, and even emotional stress along the way. Sure, it's served as liquid courage at times, but that courage would soon morph into something far less desirable.
Secondly, on the 20th of April (as in "420"), I went even further and quit smoking weed too - cold turkey - after about 20 years of being a self-professed "pothead." If I'm going to be honest, I could never have quit weed without first giving up drinking, which lent me the courage and confidence to finally put the pot down. This has had a major effect on my life already, almost instantaneously, actually...and has allowed me to push the boundaries I have lived behind for far too long.
And finally, with my two biggest vices in the rearview mirror, I have adopted a new mindful mindset and have begun to prepare for another level-up moment. I have prepped myself over the last few weeks, getting ready to begin anew by stocking up on ideas and items that will push me forward instead of hold me back.
For example, I joined my hometown's rec centre circuit, where I can take advantage of everything from gym equipment and swimming pools to participating in different social sports and activities. I have invested in various sporting equipment and started getting into pickleball and back into badminton. I have downloaded some health-oriented apps and subscribed to various motivational YouTube channels that will help keep me on my toes and inspire me to integrate new positives into my life. I have added some important and hopefully game-changing supplements to my diet. And perhaps most importantly, I have been practicing self-restraint and self-control, tools necessary to keep me on track.
Now all that's left to do is everything else! Sure, it's going to be a lot of work and take a lot of will power and determination, especially considering that I am now in my 40s, but I haven't felt this ready in my entire life. I simply can't afford to fail again, and so I won't. Starting TODAY (June 1, 2023), I kickstart this transition to get into the best shape of my life and transcend my lifestyle once and for all!
If you're in a similar situation and feel like you're ready to begin again, come join me on this journey. What do you have to lose?! If you're not ready yet, feel free to cheer me on!! #TheOverhaul